Goodbyes

I have a hard time with goodbyes. I miss people. I don't like to not know someone anymore. What would it be like to converse with you now? Do you hate me? Do I hate you? I was in a state of nostalgia and missing those I've had to say goodbye to. My mind was everywhere at once. It was a dream state. I layed, with my dog: contemplated. I slept in my normal clothes. It's complete awareness of the unconscious. The world is fake, all a matter of illusional relationships. What if I had to say goodbye to _John_ and never see him again? Imagine that, feeling the same way about that later as I do now about things past. Where do I go? Where did I go? What's wrong, what's right? ..Hell, what's left? My mind aray. A ray, of unforgetable things that seem to have never happened. It can't be real, that couldn't have happened. It won't happen now, _John_ won't allow it. Thus, it never could have happened. Did I take the road less travelled? or am I completely off path. Histories. Visual proof of histories. Of feelings that...cease to exist? Yes, _John_ can't possibly want to be my friend now. He would have called. Telephone. A dial tone.