Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Change of Life

Quicktime 8mb 2:12


pantsmachine said...

I really dig this one. How things trail off very naturally in conversation, how you have this analogous motion in the video. How things are veiled and obscured but still identifiable as a general object. You know generally it is a restaurant, a cup, two people talking, a man even... but nothing else. You know generally what they are speaking of but nothing is ever fully revealed. Well done...

Anthony said...

I really really like this video man. Very cool video. But the topic, the subject, the thing that keeps coming up. It doesn't seem like it is cool. It almost seems like the hurt pours into your videos at times. Maybe I am reading in. Maybe I am completely off. I am glad to be a viewer and a companion in this community of vloggers. Thank you for sharing these bits of your life. Thank you for how beautifully you did it again this time. I pray you continue to heal and that you can continue to fight to have this be for the better and that it never turns into being for the bitter.

Killer B said...

Dooser, here's my story. Take this as you will.

My life fell apart last year, as I think you know. I mean it fucking collapsed. And very few people in my life knew how to help, cared to help, or were there in the ways I needed.

Several came through for me in ways I will never be able to understand, and their love saved me. But I spent a lot time being angry at those who'd hurt me, those who'd let me down. You can't believe that people will disappoint you so much, but they will. And it sounds like you're seeing and dealing with the same let-downs that I did.

But eventually, I found new people. It started to hurt a little less. And I started to realize that they couldn't help it. For one, it was my life, not theirs, and just because they were my friends didn't mean they could take on my burdens and understand their importance in my life when it was something they'd never experienced or couldn't consider they way it might have effected me. Some did happen to be shitty friends. But many also just didn't know what to do. It hurts to see the ones you love in pain, and sometimes people run from that. Sometimes they stand by helplessly. It doesn't mean they don't care. They just have no fucking way to express it or help you because for a while, you can't even help yourself.

I moved on from most of them. My whole life changed, and I love my new life. I'd never go back to the way it was, even the good times. Sometimes I miss them. Mostly, they don't even occur to me. But I what I learned is how to tell people what I need and to learn to accept them where they are. Many people cannot provide all that you need. Take what they can give. Take each little piece and make the situation whole. Don't expect too much, or you're right: you'll be devastated at every turn. Understand everyone's limitations, including your own, and it will all make more sense.

People tried to tell me this along the way, but I had to come to it myself before it mattered. But I did, and it does.